Here I am, 2 years and 1 month later. A lot has changed in my life. I am no longer who I was when I came back from Japan. I can hardly remember. Everything blurs together with the years. I lose my individual memories, and they become part of the messy pool of thought and recollection.

Here I am, on my bed, the same way I would be a couple of years back, in the middle of the night, sleepless. I can never sleep at night. There is always something wrong with me, or my environment, that doesn't let me. ever. I am always awake at night, and always tired during the day. I hate always saying I'm tired. Because even though its always true, It shouldn't be. I'm 18, for fuck's sake, I have no business being tired.I should be out enjoying what I can do, and the future that lies ahead of me.

And even that is uncertain.

And even then, that is only concentrating on my side of the deal. Other people I've come to know recently, and some who I've known for quite sometime have had to endure crazy shit that I'm glad I don't have to go through, and I still get angry.

I guess I only get angry because I realize the futility of our formative years when we leave it up to others to choose for us. My life only got good when I started choosing for myself. and I also guess that is my lack of a choice when it comes to the future, and my education that also has me despairing.

Even though I have no real reason to despair.

And so, I let this small drop of existentialist pondering drop into the sea of nothing that is the internet, and forget I ever posted this, and see if anyone notices.